BEHIND THE SCENES

   In 1989 I returned to Cobu.  Why? Well, Stewart had "discovered" grace.  Yes, you heard right, he was
oblivious to grace before that.  And now he declared "Dominee, dominee - all previous teaching is wrong -
and I hereby set the brothers free".  Did it really happen?  Of course, not, silly - remember where you are!
It was business as usual and they are now missing grace on the second time around.  Of course they have
figured out that we don't get born anew or born again - we get "regenerated."  Apparently that's very important -
important enough for Stewart to get his name printed in the front of a book - that all faithful cobots carry
with them now.  But let's get back to the story...
   I was glad to be back with Jesus.  "When the Lord restored the fortunes of Zion, we were like those
who dream."  Like many others, I equated my relationship with Jesus to be on par with whether I was
in the cult or not.  So I'm back, I'm happy, and I'm "doing well".  And now for the "inner workings".
   After Thanksgiving of 1989, Cobu was housing a lot of homeless people "sweeping" them off the street.
I didn't think it was very wise.  We had people sleeping where ever they could find a place to lay down it
was so crowded in the Woodruff basement.  And apparently some of these were trading our food supplies
stored in the basement for crack that was sold a few steps away.  But I digress...  I started heading the
"flyering crew".  For Christian Brothers Carpet Cleaning mostly, as I recall.  And most of those "skilled"
at flyering were the homeless.  Some were very thankful to Jesus they no longer had to live on the street.
 But word got around - you go off with these people and they put you to work...
   Well Philly was having a lag in business and could use some promoting.  So in between sessions at the
"new church home" Denny approaches me and asks me what I think about coming to Philly and doing
some flyering.  I wasn't sure - and he told me to "Think about it..."
   One item of business during the next session is, Paul Blottner stands up and asks if anyone would like
to come to Philly and head a flyering crew. {Now, you must remember, volunteering for things isn't always
the best idea.  Once you stand up and volunteer you can come under some intense scrutiny and not only be
denied that which you were hoping for, but get a public shaming in the process.  Many times, we thought
this was deserved as that was the mindset we were in.}
   So by this time, I had made up my mind and thought it would be a good thing and I stand up and
cheerfully say "I volunteer!"
Paul is dumbfounded.  No one else stands up (which is what he expected in first place) and Paul says,
"Why... that's who we were going to ask..."  Well, no one else stands up.  I just ask the group "Brother's
back me?"  And there is a resounding "yes".
Usually business is not conducted that quickly at all, believe me.  And to those looking on, it must've
looked like "a match made in heaven".  In the time it's taking you to read about this account - it was
already over.  Bam!  Who knows, had Denny not ‘primed the pump', I may have stood up anyway.
But he certainly paved the way.  And I thank him for it, actually, I'm not saying it's wrong to do that
at all - but here's the point:
   You're in that meeting - how would it look to you?  Like it did to Paul?  Geez, they thought they
were going to have to pull teeth and after no one stood up and put themselves forward they were
going to have to somehow convince me to come down to Philly and help with the flyering and here
I am doing it willingly.  Anyway, enough of that.
   Now I'm in Philly.  And here's a great one.  I'm going to try and describe it to you the best I can.
And think about any studies you've heard - about the devil in the garden.  All he did was ask questions.
Like Jesus' temptation in the desert - "Did God not say?"  All you have to do is ask the question and
the seeds are sown.  Like Sennacherib and the King of Assyria.
   I'm in Philly.  And I'm thinking (there's no "off" to my genius switch) since we were on a new basis
(so we thought) we had been getting "new Bible studies" trying to make sense out of what we should
believe.  And I thought about Jim D in Haiti and how he marveled at how bad things were in Philly,
cause the last thing he heard was the Bible study "Friend of Jesus".  See, those in Haiti wouldn't get
the Bible studies.  Why, I don't know.  And at that time, I had an Onkyo dubbing deck and I used
to make copies of tapes.  I thought it was important that they hear these Bible studies that were
coming out.  (That was the value system then.  Don't lose your lunch) Why should they be out there
in limbo?  So I stop my van in the driveway of "the new Church Property" at 58th and Whitby as I
see Sara walking from the office.  We're just about right under Stewart's window and it's after noon,
so Stewart's probably up.
   I tell Sara my idea about making copies of tapes and sending them to the brothers in Haiti so that
they can hear the Bible studies too and not be left out.  I mean, come on, we have the technology.
And she sort of says something like they'll think about it or something.
   So what happens at the Lamb House next time Stewart makes a visit to check on the troops?
(May have been that very night)
   And this is classic Stewart:
He asks us all gathered - 10 or 15 brothers in a circle: "What's Tom been up to lately?"
That's it.
   All he has to do.  They turn their heads and look at me and each other, "Gee, I dunno."
We're spread so thin we're all busy doing things all day.  They know about as much of what I've
been doing as they know what Stewart's been doing all day (since noon).
But the seed has been planted.
Stewart has doubts - and where there's doubt, there's fire.  Stewart couldn't be wrong.
   But see, what's wrong is - I spoke with one of Stewart's "half wives".  And for almost two
minutes about something I really cared about.  This is verboten.
   All thinking is done by Stewart - and by all means - leave the sisters alone!  They're his!
And we needn't get into the rest of the story at this point.  Suffice it to say it was all down hill
from there for me.  (And thank God for that!)
  Another thing that I witnessed, and noticed - but I wouldn't let it "sink in" and register till later
(you tend to let things go and explain them away with, that's just Stewart, and I don't really
understand - critical thinking is replaced with unquestionable devotion.  In some cases this
could be good, I guess.  Not in this one...)  I was guarding in the lobby of the "new property".
(and that's another thing - why guards? Oh - don't want to interrupt a precious meeting with
someone coming back who had been hurt and now wanted attention.  We had better things to
attend to.  Beam me up, Scotty)  So all the brethren are gathered in the big room - I think it
used to be the gym - waiting for the great and powerful Oz to make his entrance (he's late, as
usual - it's like Mick Jagger of the Rolling Stones sitting back stage: "The crowd is growing
impatient" "Ah, let 'em wait longer - the longer the anticipation the better...") So Stewart comes
into the lobby, gives directions about this and directions about that to this one and then a word
about that to this one - like a general giving out commands.  Then he walks into the meeting,
takes his seat at the table up front and says "How's it going brothers and sisters?"  And I know
what it's like to be sitting there waiting.  You always think he's fully there, fully attuned to how
we are and what we may be about to say.  But look at what this guy just flipped through barking
out orders.  This guy was capable of anything and I saw that as scary.  Where was his mind really at?
   Well I'll tell you where his mind is really at.  Money.
I had contribute my safe to the Church.  But they couldn't figure out how to open it up and asked
me to come back into the office and show them.  I had purposely forgotten the combination -
but tried anyway.  You see, it's on of those, three times to left, twice to the right and not your
normal high school locker combination.  Eventually Jimmy came in with the piece of paper with
the numbers written on it and I promptly showed them how to open the safe.  And Stewart came in.
Sara was there, and I think Bernie and Lonnie too.  Stewart came in and with his hands moving
and in earnestness ask one question:  "What about the money?!?!"
   Hey - one more "behind the scenes" incident.  Stewart's Bible studies were getting more and
more out there.  He didn't know what he was talking about.  I remember after one meeting I
was getting on the bus to go back to New York and Stewart asked me personally if I got the
session and I said "No" and he said to "read over the notes again".  Well that didn't help.
And one time he gave a study in Philly that I didn't get and neither did Chuck Marburger.
I said to Chuck "I think Stewart's bluffing".  And Chuck could not contain his laughter as he
found a kindred spirit saying "I did too" (think Stewart was bluffing) And there were times
when Stewart even directly told us - you don't know what you're talking about - bluff.
Did you learn something from reading this?

   This is just something I want to say.  There may be scripture that says to "lean not on your
own understanding" and "he who trusts in his own mind is a fool" - but sometimes these are
used as a way to stop someone from having any autonomy at all.  And in that state, you are
easily misled, deceived, manipulated...  Those in the confines of these mental processes are
reminded that "the heart is deceitful above all things".  But that's what "taking the heart of stone
and replacing it with a heart of flesh" is all about.  They take all their inner churning and equate
that with a corrupt heart.  Paul said "I know no good thing dwells in me, that is, in my flesh".
Do you not think that Jesus dwelt in Paul's heart through faith?!
  And last, but not least, we have the King of Kings valuing the thoughts of others.  He wants
to know what it is that you have done with all the information you've accumulated.  Your eyes
and brain have taken a lot in.  People have told you many things - now what's your conclusion?
You don't think Jesus is like that?  Let me refresh your memory:
   Luke 10:26 "How do you read"
   Mark 12:34 And when Jesus saw that he answered wisely, he said to him, "You are not far
from the kingdom of God."
   Mt 17.25 "What do you think, Simon?"
Jesus didn't say, hey guys, I'm the Son of God, and I know the exact right answer and here's
where you're wrong A, B & C.   He did not do that at all, did He?
  And it's not wrong to ask questions at all - in fact it's very healthy.  But when one does it with
ulterior motives, well, then...
Then we must to some point "Trust God with all your heart
and do not rely on your own insight"
   And more to the point I have been making as the gist of this whole essay:
"Do not eat the bread of him who has the evil eye" Pro 23.26 KJV
You know, the guy, all he can see is the bad in situations and ask "What are they really up to?"
And it's always something bad, isn't it?   Deceitful.
   One of the things I have found through study and reading is that there are those who wish us
to be miserable.  Jesus wasn't like that.  It has taken the shovel to dig up what couldn't be
destroyed.  Art work - drawings of Jesus with the disciples.  And invariably, in every last one
of these works Jesus is, of all things SMILING!  And so are those around him.  No guilt.
No condemnation.  When you've got that - "where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom."
There's the letter of the word and the spirit of the word.  I learned a great deal about the letter
of the word in Cobu - and they still do.  But if you ask me, it's still all Greek to them.  They
may have a good business.  But then we all excel at what we really care about.
Hey, pays the rent.
Condos anyone?