* During the 70's I felt I was part of a cutting edge evangelical church. We were out there on the streets. The only other souls out there were the Moonies, the Hari's and a rare, occasional, small group of church christians.
* In the 1980's I wasn't around much, but I think the brothers and sisters still felt they were a part of something special. Ahhh, the retard program.....
* In the 1990's, when I was there for my last stint, I still thought of COBU as an evangelical place second to none in this country.
There's a joke about a college girl writing home:
She says it's okay she couldn't pay the rent and got kicked out of
her apartment, because she moved in with her boyfriend. And that's
okay, too, because there's lots of people that tolerate an inter-racial
relationship. And now she might be pregnant. And on it goes,
something like that. Only to get to the end of the letter she says,
none of this is true, she's getting an "F" in chemistry and she wanted
to put it in a little perspective.
After being in COBU, I got a warped perspective. Who didn't?
And the longer anyone was in, the longer it will take us to heal.
COBU isn't just some sect any longer - they are poison. And I weep
to think of those who will run into them and think they are God's ambassador's.
If that's the way Jesus is, then I don't want it. Matter of fact,
I never could take it. I left over and over. When I was a child
, I was impressionable, I thought like a child, I was naive, I reasoned
like a child. But when the veil was lifted, and I looked more intently,
the mercy of God shown through his grace in kindness towards me with healing
in it's wings. New every morning. Great is thy faithfulness.
But the recruiters from COBU go around with big sticks, talking
about grace and beating you with who knows what.
That's Jesus?! But the world isn't stupid. I think many
will see through the sham. What's holding up that house of cards?
The emperor has no clothes. Got another cliché?
I remember reading Steven Hassan (Combating Cult Mind Control) and he
said that they would run into people who would exclaim - I just asked God
last night to show me the way - and now I run into you! Coincidence?
You be the judge. A fellow told me he asked Jesus to show him the
way. The very next morning guess who was knocking on his door?
He became a JW.
Is God into playing funny tricks? Does he want people to be Moonies
or JW's? I know He wants people who seek Him to find Him. Do
we all need to take a circuitous route? Even if it's through fundamentalism
to grace? A lot have taken that road. But it didn't take them
20 years to wake up!
Also, all of us that were in these different boats - now that we're
out - we can help others through the healing that we have been going through.
It ain't easy.
And many of us are glad to help. Some people are embarrassed
that they had gotten so had so bad. C'est la vie. Thank God
you're out! You're not surrounded by the structure and regimentation,
but you do have a heart still yearning for God and a God who loves you
and will provide for you.
Look at the cross. Jesus went there before you were born.
And knew what you would go through. Why, one will hardly die for
a righteous man - though perhaps for a good man one will dare to even die.
Yet the proof of God's amazing love for us is this: that it was while we
were sinners that Christ died for us. Moreover, if he did that for
us while we were sinners, now that we are men justified by the shedding
of his blood, what reason have we to fear the wrath of God? If, when
we were at our worst, being weak and rebellious, we were put on friendly
terms with God by the sacrificial death of Son, now that we're at our best,
a new creation, just think how our lives will expand and deepen by means
of this resurrection life!
Do you see all the hope there?! Do you realize those in COBU
cannot see it!
They cannot!
I was just talking with them a few weeks ago.
They cannot read the Bible outside of Stewart's veil lying over their
minds. That's not a typo, that's the situation - Stewart's lies and
confusion. Think about all the destruction he has caused.
Don't think about it too much, though. Be glad God has spared
you and you're out now.
Jesus is winning, you know. Who do you know that doesn't have
a relationship with Jesus that is not better yet? That's their tesetimony.
Are they all lying? I can think of one person who is not better,
and they shall remain nameless. Hey, if you read Burden of a Secret,
the minister's grandson got aids through a blood trunsfusion in the 1980's
as a child and died before he became a teenager. The father of the
child resorted to Hinduism because of the way he was shunned by the "Christian"
community. Can you blame him? We, who are supposed to preach
peace, love, acceptance, tolerance etc. Loving the unlovely, etc.
We treated him like Charlie Brown and gave him a rock. The not The
Rock. We shot our load. I have to say "we", I'm a Christian.
But there are hundreds who have left COBU and are the much better for it.
There are only 50 or so old timers still left living under the tyrrany.
Not that sheer numbers are proof of anything excecpt what is obvious: we'd
rather be out from under Stewart's veil and sweat shop.
You see the "hits" on Mike's page. (www.angelfire.com/nm/cobu)
I would dare to say that there are hundreds who, despite the pain, are
better off in their relationship with Jesus than they were before.
That's what people have e-mailed me. And for every one written, I
am sure that there are countless more that didn't. But that does
not mean there are many ashamed and would rather hide and be backslidden.
I was backslidden for a good ten years just about. Read my testimony.
I got darkened in my understanding spiritually. I wasn't stupid,
I had a good job, and I wasn't running head long into sin by no means.
But the Bible and my new mind were all but gone.
I equated being with Jesus with being in COBU. And many of us
now see how wrong that is!!!
And in 1989, when they spoke about grace, I figured that was something
I could deal with and I went back. I had to. That's all I knew.
Now that I've been out, and I mean OUT. Not just physically. That whole mindset. Powerful. It really is. Intoxicating. Since getting a glimpse of God's heart, I have become familiar with the terms . Two accurate descriptions of the COBU experience.
It's being in the spiritual salt mines.
"The perfectionist with his fragile conscience, his low self-esteem, and his almost built-in sense of automatic guilt is very sensitive to what other people think about him. Since he cannot accept himself, and is quite unsure of God's approval, he desperately needs the approval of other people. Thus he is easy prey to the opinions and evaluations of other x-ians. Every sermon gets to him. He introspects: Ah-h, maybe that's what's wrong with me. Maybe if I give this up..add that to my life.. Maybe if I stop doing this or I start doing that, I will experience peace, and I will please God. All the while, the do's and don'ts are piling up; they keep adding up because more and more people have to be pleased. The halo has to be adjusted for this person and readjusted for that one. So the perfectionist keeps fitting it this way and that way and, before he realizes what is happening, the halo has turned into what Paul called "the yoke of bondage". You end up with a mixture of faith and works, law and grace. Immature and sensitive believers can become neurotic perfectionists who are guilt-ridden, tight-haloed, unhappy, and uncomfortable. They are rigid in their outlook, frigid in their lovelessness, conforming to the approval and disapproval of others. Yet, in a strange paradox, they critically judge, blame and bind those same others." *
But the real grit in my graw is the way you are treated.
Where's the compassion?
Where's the love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness...
Oh, I'm being mushy.
No, this is New Testament
stuff that shows you're in God's Spirit.
The way we are treated and portrayed. Sheesh! All you want
to do is get away. Inside, you know something is horribly wrong.
But leaving is problematic.
No one can do it honorably; it's not allowed.
Marriage isn't allowed. They will give their excuses, but the
bottom line, marriage is verboten. What does the New
Testament say about that? What does the Spirit expressly
say?
I am reading two books right now. "How to be Funny" by Steve Allen
and "Spirit Wars" by Peter Jones. There is much to be said about
humor and there's a lot of humor in the Bible if you know where to look
for it. There are no less than at least ten good books about it that
are really good. Look up the Fellowship of Merry Christians.
One brother, when asked by Reggie "Where's your fear of God?"
The brother thought, and should have answered: "Reggie, if I had no
fear of God I'd be using the bald spot on your head for a bongo drum right
now..."
Laughter ensued. Side splitting laughter.
Greg B would say, "There's better motivation". Yeah, right.
Like he would know.
But on the serious side - Spirit Wars:
"This revolution penetrates every home and soul,
redefining sexuality, spirituality, God, religion, and revelation.
The new world order turns everything we have known on its head - good becomes
evil, homosexuality the preferred sexual expression, and the traditional
family a minority structure".
That is from the Preface.
I'm looking for the reference about the destruction of the family, something
Stewart is very adept at.
If any one knows of a single family he's actually helped
and put back together, let me know. Is there one? I know not
any. After his ship passes through the night,
how many shipwrecks are left in his wake?
"The New Left radicals of the Sixties wanted
to "bring the system down". History will show that they did just
that, by taking it over. Rejection of landlords, university senates,
police and the federal government has been transformed in the nineties
into the rejection of Western civilization in toto. Radical
students today chant, "Hey ho, wha d'ya know? Western Civ has got to go".
They silence dead white male authors such as Plato, Aristotle, Shakespeare,
Wordsworth and Jonathan Edwards and bring in a general chorus of contemporary
intellectuals (including many orthodox Christians) calling for the dismantling
of "patriarchy"."
Here is the
quote I really wanted to get to on page 23:
"What can stop the American culture from implosion?
George Gilder predicts that the American culture at large will follow the
pattern already established in the black urban communities. The deconstruction
of the American "Judeo-Christian" family creates a voracious vacuum quickly
filled by "alternate family styles". Because these structures seem
better than none, the public accepts them without examining the world view
of pagan spirituality that spawned them."
I submit that Stewart's destruction of families is part and parcel
with this spirit.
Jesus said, "If you would love one another, then all the world would
know that you are my disciples".
Guess what the world knows about COBU?
Oh, there's the smiley face for the uninitiated, but once you've been
there, you're dead meat.
Shut up, tow the line, and be a faithful fellow grunt - or leave, and
don't let the door hit you on the way out.
The lifers have their Stewart act
down.
They wouldn't dare do it around him; but they're glad to practice it
on you.
And so there's the fruit. That's the result. Hating
one another. Treating each other like an expendable commodity. You're
someone they can put down, so that they can feel up. It's a good
transaction for them. Makes their day. Gee, do they feel good
after that. Where's another poor person, I can really get into this
grinding of faces.
I think they're jealous of our freedom.
We show, by our lives, that we
don't have to listen to mr harshness anymore.
We have autonomy in the best way. And this gives glory to God.
We're not perfect. Not by any stretch of the imagination.
Just in the eyes of God.
We're survivors!
You know, most of the pages on this web site were done in the past weeks.
Getting a fresh visit to them was a real rude awakening. It is very
sad to be caught in that spirit. It appeals so much to the flesh.
And it's so Biblical, the stuff they're trying to pull. What on earth do
I mean by Biblical?
They're the Pharisees, the Circumcision party, etc. They really
are. That spirit is alive and well, living in them. They want
to make much of you, they wish to shut you out. Read the "Silas Diary"
by Gene Edwards and tell me how you feel when you come to the word guilt.
It's only there once. But it turns on some flood lights.
I was angered during a recent visit to the past (actually, you would have to say the present?). I stopped by one of their new outposts they call "The Better Way Cafe" - a block south of South Street in Philadelphia. I wrote about it, and haven't come within a country mile of that feeling of anger since. Funny what the light does. The rage was real. I even got an e-mail from a brother who said when they were talking about putting a greenhouse on top of Stewart's already lavish palace, he was thinking about the kind of stones he would use to throw through those windows...
I was encouraged to write this way, to be honest about what transpired
within me because I read two other books of men who were very honest.
Nathan McCall's "Makes Me Wanna Holler" and
"Where White Men Fear to Tread" by Russell Means.
When I think about what these men went through:
I got an "F" in chemistry.
*Healing for Damaged Emotions
Recovery from the Memories That Caused Our Pain
David Seamands from pages 81 & 82